Saturday, May 7, 2011

Don't Blink

What in the world just happened?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that I gave birth to a ten-pound baby boy who came into the world clutching a Matchbox car in one tiny fist, and a couple of passies in the other?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that I toted him around in something that resembled a miniature hammock with a shoulder strap, wishing I’d invented that contraption because it made it almost effortless to wrap and balance my Big Bundle of Baby Boy across my torso while simultaneously keeping both hands free to push a grocery cart, shuffle coupons, pluck one toddler from the top shelf of the cereal aisle and another one out of the dairy case?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that I dropped-off my Baby Boy at Kindergarten and into the arms of Another Woman who couldn’t possibly take my place in his eyes for six whole hours, only to pick him up at the end of the day and listen to him babble on and on about Mrs. Conley’s amazing wonderfulness?

It feels like it was just yesterday that I stood on the sidelines of the soccer field watching my Little Athlete, dressed in a soccer jersey that hung down to his knees and shorts that very nearly covered his shin guards, which were so large they looked like they were wearing him instead of the other way around.

And wasn’t it also then that I concluded it was highly unlikely that he’d ever amount to much of a soccer player unless Mid-Field Mud Mucker or Defensive Dirt Digger became key positions on the team lineup?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that I routinely spent several extra moments sitting in the car in the parking lot when I arrived at the grocery store, deciphering my Hungry Helper’s chicken-scratched, creatively spelled (curip, napcines, gaderad) shopping list?

And wasn’t it also then when I concluded I could never possibly have enough items on-hand from his favorite food group (Sugar and Preservatives) to satisfy the appetite of my Walking Garbage Disposal, for whom my kitchen pantry was the center of his universe.

Wasn’t it just yesterday when I realized that “I dunno” really was the most reasonable explanation my Mischievious Monkey could offer for having spent the better part of his afternoon cutting down a backyard sapling, duct-taping it to two skateboards, and sending flying down our driveway into the street?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that I finally accepted the fact that the pungent aroma of a teenaged boy’s bedroom is indescribable, unavoidable, and impenetrable, no matter how many cans of Lysol one unleashes within?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that my Cute Camper declared that for the rest of the summer he’d be living in the wilderness in his pup tent in the back yard as long as he could have access to our electricity, running water, and the kitchen?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that Nascar Nate finally earned his driver’s license, and then had the nerve to turn to me to announce that all these years I made him nervous every time I got behind the steering wheel?

Was that my Handsome Baby Boy wearing a tuxedo and escorting a beautiful date to the prom last Saturday night?

Is that really his high school graduation robe stuffed inside his backpack?

I should never have blinked.